


AFTERMATH part 2

by Carrimimi



Series: Casualty of the Crown [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressed Noctis Lucis Caelum, Depression, Despair, Gen, Hurt Noctis Lucis Caelum, Medication, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Running Away, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 22:04:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13350447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carrimimi/pseuds/Carrimimi
Summary: Noctis didn’t quite know what he was feeling right now. He just knew that he had started feeling depressed again. He was loosing his appetite. He was closing himself off from his friends and his Dad. He started avoiding daily activities and chores that were now piling up. He knew this was not good thing, it was dangerous territory but he didn’t care enough right now. He just wanted to stay in bed and sleep!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 2 from TAKEN, which you do not need read first to but it will help to understand why this story of Noctis exists. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for reading.

AFTERMATH

Chapter 1

 

Noctis didn’t quite know what he was feeling right now. He just knew that he had started feeling depressed again. He was loosing his appetite. He was closing himself off from his friends and his Dad. He started avoiding daily activities and chores that were now piling up. He knew this was not a good thing, it was dangerous territory but he didn’t care enough right now. He just wanted to stay in bed and sleep!

Ignis knocked softly at his door. 

“Noct, time to wake up. You need to hurry or you’ll be late for class.”

Noctis’s heart was heavy. He knew he needed to get up, shower, dress and at least pretend he was okay. Otherwise, Ignis would soon figure out that Noctis was beginning a downward spiral like before, and would alert his Dad! Then he would be forced to take more medication, which ironically usually made him feel worse! Sigh!

By sheer will, (which he didn’t have much of at the moment), he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. Not even a hot shower made him feel any better this morning. “Oh man this is going to be a hell of a long day,” He thought. Dressed and heading to the kitchen he smelled the aroma of breakfast that Ignis had prepared for him. Simple bacon and eggs and a croissant sat at his place at the table. Noctis felt nauseous just looking at it. Iggy was already looking at him with concern, so he made an effort to nibble on the bacon, and took a couple of small bites from the eggs. He knew he couldn’t handle any more so he pushed the plate away gently and stated, “Not too hungry this morning Iggy, It’s great though, thanks.” 

“Are you alright Noct? “ asked Ignis, worry written all over his face and entering his ‘Caregiver” mode. 

He reached over and palmed his hand on Noctis’s forehead to check if he was beginning a fever. Noctis brushed his hand away and ducked his head. 

“I’m just tired is all, didn’t sleep well.” Noctis got up quickly to go grab his schoolbag before Ignis began playing twenty questions!

The fifteen-minute car ride to the University with Ignis was silent much to Noctis’s relief. Ignis kept shooting anxious glances through the rear view mirror and when he finally drove up to the front of the University, Noctis couldn’t get out of the car fast enough! His first class was three hours of political speech! A course that Noctis had no choice but to take. He sat as far in the back of the classroom as he could, hunching into himself. Disappearing into his mind he felt resentment that his whole life was planned out for him. 

He was Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, Crown Prince of Insomnia. He would take over as King when his father passed away. Right now his father’s health was in a steady decline, which had Noctis terrified. He didn’t want to loose his father, who was Noctis’s pillar in life. It was too unthinkable. And Noctis was certainly far from being able to step into his Dad’s shoes. There was no way that he was ready. He would never be ready. He really didn’t want this. He was a horrible son. He tried his best but his best was never good enough. He just barely passed his classes. He slept most of the time. He got mad crazy mood swings. He got sick easily. What kind of king would he make? A pathetic one! He had been suffering from depression since he was kidnapped at 17. He had to see a psychiatrist. He had been seeing Dr. Brennan ever since then. He was on medication that made him even sleepier and more often than not, muddled his thoughts. He was just not worthy of anybody’s time and effort. He knew that thinking these dark thoughts were just contributing to him spiraling into darkness faster, but he was unable to stop it.

Finally the class ended. He had a two-hour break before his next class, which was English literature. Meanwhile, he found a dark corner in the cafeteria to sit in and hid himself away as much as he could. He knew he was starting to loose it. He could feel the familiar tightening in his chest. Tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Heart beating way too quickly. He couldn’t have a meltdown in here. To many witnesses, it would get back to his dad.

He got up and headed outdoors where there was a small park behind the university. It was relatively quiet there at the moment. It was drizzling outside however. He walked until he saw a bench under some trees where it would afford him some privacy and a bit of protection from the rain since naturally, he didn’t have his umbrella. He sat there, in the rain, for almost two hours, not noticing that he was soaked through to the bone, hair, dripping wet. It had started to rain harder, but in his state, he hadn’t noticed.

He struggled to pull himself off the bench, and made his way back to his locker to grab his books for his next class. He was so exhausted right now. He felt drained of all energy. “Fuck it,” he thought, and slammed his locker shut! He made his way to the washroom and saw his refection in the mirror. He looked like crap! Eyes, red-rimmed. All color drained from his complexion, wet straggly hair. Iggy would know for sure that something was wrong. “Get your act together Noct,” he told himself harshly.

He splashed cold water on his face, feeling a bit better. His hair and clothes would have to dry on their own. He headed to the library and found a corner table to sit at. He rested his arms on the table where they cradled his head. He was so exhausted that he fell asleep.

He felt something tugging at his arm. He barely opened his eyes to see the librarian doing her best to wake him up. He apologized sleepily and stumbled his way out of his seat and quickly headed towards the exit.

Making his way towards the front of the building where Iggy would be picking him up, he bumped into his best friend Prompto.

“Hey Noct, where were you? You weren’t in class. Gees man, ya look like shit! You Okay? Hey ya wanna go to the arcade? Or get some food? You know, just chill.” rambled Prompto, seeing Noctis’s disheveled state and sensing right away that his mood was definitely not good.

Noctis shook his head, “Nah, I gotta go straight to a meeting at the Citadel,” lied Noctis feeling a twinge of guilt but not wanting to have Prompto worry over him all night. 

“Hey, no problem, buddy. Catch ya on Monday, gotta work shifts this weekend. Call me anytime okay Noct? If you need to, ya know, talk?” Said Prompto with concern in his voice.

“ Yeah, sure,” replied Noctis, glad that Prompto fell for his fib.

Prompto then jogged down the street towards his home.

When Noctis stepped into the car, he knew that Iggy could immediately sense that Noctis was not well. He prudently stayed quiet on the car ride back home. Once in the apartment, Noctis immediately headed to his bedroom, closed, and locked his door. 

Ignis stood silently in the hallway for five minutes and then sighed deeply. He sensed that Noctis was heading for another dark time. He was on the alert. He had to leave shortly for a meeting at the Citadel, the one that Noctis had lied to Prompto about. He would make a point to seek out King Regis afterwards to let him know about his mental health concerns for Noctis.


	2. Chapter 2

The room grew dark. Noctis was still in his damp clothes. He lay flat on his back, on his bed. Staring at the ceiling. At nothing, really! His thoughts were very dark. He finally sat on the side of the bed and removed his damp school uniform to change into a dark t-shirt and loose black track pants. He uncaringly let his damp clothes drop in a pile on the floor. He knew that he should at least lay them over a chair to dry, but he couldn’t be bothered. He felt like he was suffocating.

He walked barefoot out of his room. The apartment was dark. Iggy had left some time ago. He walked to the tall sliding doors leading out onto the balcony, nine stories high. He stepped outside. The air was much cooler now, but it had stopped raining. The fresh air did nothing to ease the weight he felt in his chest. He headed back inside, towards his front door and opened it to step out in the hall. He saw the two Crown guards standing at attention just outside his door. One looked towards him questioningly but Noctis closed his door quickly before he could voice any concerns.

He felt like a prisoner in his own home. A few months after his kidnapping, unable to deal with his trauma, he’d had a breakdown and had tried ending his life by trying to slice his wrists. He was found by Ignis and rushed to the hospital where he was given life saving treatment. Since then, he had not been allowed anywhere unless accompanied by guards, Iggy or Gladio. It was with a long and very heated discussion that he was finally able to convinced his dad to let him attend University without any surveillance. That was over a year ago! At least now he was able to live in his apartment, away from the Citadel, the one condition being that Crownsguards would stand sentry to his home. He just really resented the suffocating feeling of being followed and watched all the time.

He headed back out onto the balcony and looked over the edge. He noticed certain bricks sticking out about an inch and laid out in a cascading pattern towards the bottom of the complex. This could probably give him the ability to actually climb down the side of the building using each balcony railing below for leverage. He had just never really noticed before.

Before allowing his mind to catch up to what he was stupidly contemplating, he hefted his body over the rail, and reached out with his bare foot, until he felt the brick sticking out slightly. For a few seconds he thought he had miscalculated and saw himself fall below to his death, and for a moment, that had a certain appeal.

Slowly, painstakingly, floor-by-floor, Noctis descended, until he reached the last balcony. There, he realized that there were no more decorative bricks on the building. So he hung from the bottom of the ledge and then allowed himself to drop down 16 feet onto the grass. He felt a sharp pain in his ankle, but was satisfied that it was not broken. Maybe sprained? Who cared! He slowly limped his way around the back of the building, seeing two more guards by the back exit. Before they could notice him, he slipped into the wooded area leading to the outskirts of Insomnia. 

He wandered around, barefoot. He began shivering, not having had the wherewithal to grab a jacket or even some shoes. Slowly he became dazed and unfocused, not paying attention to where he was stepping or heading. His feet received some scrapes and bled but he continued on. It was getting much colder outside and had begun to drizzle again. Noctis still didn’t notice. His thoughts were dark. “Why am I even here, on this earth?” He thought. “I’m such a pathetic Prince! I’m useless as a son, and I can’t even be a good friend. I still need to be babysat like a kid. I’m only good for one thing…and his minds flashed to images of the torture he was subjected to during his kidnapping. He shuddered and closed his eyes tightly against the images his subconscious kept trying to force him to remember. Everyone knew he was sickly, ever since ‘then’. He’d been on meds ever since ‘then’. They were supposed to help him but they just always made him feel even groggier. He’d been skipping them for almost a week now. Almost getting caught by Iggy’s watchful eye. 

Despair began to set deep into his bones. He had wandered so far away from his apartment complex; he wasn’t even sure where he was anymore. It was raining harder now and Noctis was shivering in his wet clothes. He kept wandering deeper into the forest, farther and farther away from the city proper. He had been outside for more than two hours by now. He stumbled and fell down a muddy incline towards the roaring of the river. He was soaking wet and covered in mud. He kept walking clumsily towards the sound of the rushing water. He followed the current for a while. He stopped by an outcrop of jagged rocks and tried to climb up. Slipping and cutting his feet even more on the sharp edges, he finally reached the top, maybe thirty feet above the rushing water. There he sat down to rest. He was empty. He was devoid of feelings. Like his life, his mind was now a useless vessel. He kept peering down into the rolling waves. The foaming white caps looked like soft fluffy pillows. It was so inviting. He could allow himself to fall into the soft whiteness. End his misery. He could close his eyes and sleep forever…

He stood up on shaky legs. He looked up at the dark sky. Rain was falling in his eyes, clouding his vision. He opened his arms out to the sides and allowed his body to fall over the edge into the cold waiting waters.


	3. Chapter 3

Ignis was rarely this impatient during the weekly council update meetings with the Royal Assembly. To add to matters the meeting went on longer than usual. By the time it was over, Ignis almost sprinted towards King Regis. The King gave Ignis his full attention when he noticed him, figuring correctly that it had something to do with Noctis.  
“Ignis how are things? How is my son?” He asked with concern.

“Your Majesty,” began Ignis. “I believe Noctis is beginning to show signs of depression again. He has not been eating properly and locking himself away in his bedroom. I believe he has been avoiding his medication, although I can’t be certain of this. I will keep an extra eye on him and report any significant changes, your Majesty.” Said Ignis, bowing to the King.

“Thank you Ignis” The Kings put a comforting hand on Ignis’s shoulder. “You are good for my son. I appreciate it. Double the guard detail for the time being! Tell them to be very discreet. Let me know unfailingly if Noctis needs any help. Call Dr. Brennan and try to set up an extra appointment. Maybe his meds need to be upped. Keep me abreast.” 

 

* * * * * * * * 

Ignis was in a hurry to return to Noctis’s apartment. He had an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. Upon arrival however, everything seemed quiet. The guards waved to Ignis as he entered the building. The two guards standing outside Noctis’s apartment assured him that Noctis was still inside. 

“He stuck his head out at some point, not long after you left, but nothing came of it.” Said one of the guards.

This did not sit too well with Ignis. It was not something that Noctis would typically do. He entered the apartment. All was dark. He turned on a light so he could see. There was no sign that Noctis had left his room to eat the diner that Ignis had left for him on the dining table. He walked to Noctis’s bedroom door and listened. He heard nothing. “Should I wake him?” he thought. He was torn between allowing Noctis to sleep or wake him up. However, the caregiver in him needed to know that Noctis was safe in his room and hopefully sound asleep. 

He gently knocked at the door, getting no response. He knocked even harder, and certainly loud enough to be heard, while saying, “Noct, may I come in please?” He still got no response so he tried the door handle expecting it to be locked! Surprised when it opened, he peered into the darkened room. He approached the bed whispering “Noct? Are you awake?” As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness within, he could clearly make out that Noctis was not on his bed! He quickly flipped on the bedside lamp and scanned the floor on the other side of the bed. He headed to the bathroom door, where it was also dark. He flipped on the light. Noctis was not there. His heart began to pound in his chest. He slid open the glass door to the shower, thankful that Noctis wasn’t huddled on the floor, like last time, covered in blood. Ignis shook off the image.

Ignis was practically running through the apartment, looking in the spare room, the den, the living room, and kitchen. He angrily walked to the exit and whipped the door open, making both guards jump. “Did you leave your post at any time?” he almost shouted at them. They both stammered their replies, “No Mr. Scientia, we were both here all night. Is there a problem?”

“Damn right there is! The Prince is not in his apartment!” he said as he walked back into the apartment. Both guards followed him inside and began to search.  
Ignis’s heart filled with dread when he noticed the glass sliding door to the balcony was slightly opened. His heart dropped in his chest. “Please, please, please, let Noctis be sitting out on a lounge chair!” he prayed silently. Sliding the door open, Ignis stepped out onto the balcony. Only darkness greeted him. He dreaded looking over the edge, his mind seeing Noctis’s body, below, broken. Relief flooded him when there was no one at the bottom.

He practically flew down the nine flights of stairs, slamming out through the back door of the complex, startling the guards posted there. He frantically searched for a body! Relief flooded his heart on discovering that his precious Prince was not lying dead, fallen, (or jumping?) from the balcony. Ignis was frantic! He was in shock and berating himself for leaving Noctis on his own that evening. He had sensed that Noctis was falling into a depression again. His mistake was that he didn’t think Noctis would fall that quickly

Panic was now plunging into his heart. He reached for his phone. He looked at the ‘Red Alert” key that had been implemented on all the Kingsglaives, Crownsguards, and King Regis’s phones, since the kidnapping of Noctis two years ago. It was to be used in extreme emergencies only! Without a moment of hesitation, Ignis pressed down on the red key.


	4. Chapter 4

All hell broke loose in the Citadel! King Regis and all the Kingsglaives and Crownsguards were now aware that Prince Noctis was missing! They determined how Noctis most likely fled the apartment and were horrified and amazed that he had managed his escape without falling to his death. Hundreds of Glaives and Guards, awoken from their slumbers, or extending their shifts, began a systematic search for the Prince. Some searched the Citadel. Some searched the main streets, side streets, parks, anywhere the Prince could possibly be. The search was now edging towards the outer edges of Insomnia, in the heavily wooded areas and along the rushing river that flowed just along the city. Desperation was setting in. Panic was now ensuing. Hours had gone by. It was very cold, dark and raining. The search party refused to let up, or give up.

*** * * * * * * * ******

********

****

A static crackle was heard on everyone’s phone! The red line was lit up and in use. 

“Libertus checking in. I’m in the heavy groves just by the rivers edges and I see some footprint indents close to some rocky outcrops. Going to check it out, over.” 

This being the only update in the past few hours had many glaives and guards that were in the vicinity head towards Libertus’s location. Libertus kept his eyes to the ground, desperately trying to see through the gloom, for any more evidence of a person passing in this direction. He continued on towards the river. “Prince Noctis,” he shouted, his voice barely heard above the rushing river. He heard nothing but the angry white peaks of the water as it churned in swirls of white foam. He continued calling out to the Prince, regardless of the ineffectiveness. He began heading downstream, following the current. He thought he saw something. Gods, it looked like an arm, wedged in an outcrop of dead logs, caught on the edge of a rocky outcrop. As he neared the area, he could see the wet stringy black hair of the Prince, his face, grey, facing up towards the sky. 

Heedless of the ice-cold water he waded in and grabbed the Prince’s lifeless form and untangled his limbs and dragged him to shore. He checked for a heartbeat but the rushing water was too loud and his fingers were too numb from the cold to feel for a pulse. He checked the Prince’s mouth for any debris and began administering mouth to mouth. He alternated between that and chest compressions. Still unable to hear or detect any signs of life, he quickly depressed the red key, shouting “Libertus here. I’ve found him!” and shouted out his co-ordinates. He continued to administer C.P.R. until he heard definite signs of other glaives and guards arriving. “Down here,” he shouted. “Come on your Highness, breathe! “ he whispered under his breath! 

Moments later, Libertus and the lifeless Prince were surrounded by his peers. Someone directed the medics down the embankment where they quickly covered Noctis with blankets and fastened him to a gurney. They hauled him back up the steep incline and led him away into a waiting ambulance. King Regis, Ignis, Gladio and Prompto were alerted and on the way to meet the ambulance at the hospital.

*** * * * * * * ***

********

********

Once the Prince arrived to the emergency, the staff of doctors and nurses sprung into action. They found a very weak heartbeat, but a heartbeat nevertheless. They hooked him up to a respirator; heart monitor and an I.V. solution that passed through a warming machine to slowly elevate his body temperature that was dangerously low. King Regis was watching his son through the glass separating him from the treatment area. When the Doctor saw the King he exited the room and bowed to him. 

“Your Majesty, the Prince is alive. He is suffering from hypothermia. We are slowly increasing his body temperature. We will keep a watchful eye on his breathing. We won’t know if there will be any brain damage from his near drowning, as we don’t know how long he was without oxygen. He is not out of the woods, but we are cautiously optimistic. His youth, and the fact that the temperature of the water was so frigid, may work in his favour. I will keep you updated on any changes of the Prince.” The doctor bowed again to the king.

“Thank you doctor. Just, please, save my son,” responded the King, dully.

Ignis walked in at that moment and saw the King. He was quick to apologize.  
“I’m so sorry your Majesty, for letting you down once more. I’ve failed the Prince again. I’ve failed in my duty to protect his Highness. I do not ask for forgiveness, and I can dismiss myself of my duty to…” 

Cut off mid-sentence, King Regis spun around to face Ignis. 

“Ignis, I forbid you to feel responsible for this. You’ve always been by Noctis’s side. More so since the kidnapping.” He said sternly. “ I will not have you blame yourself for this. If anything, I should have been more aware of Noctis’s wellbeing. I always seem to put the Kingdom before my own son. He has suffered greatly and still I was not there for him. Even when I knew he was too frail, I pushed his Princely duties on him, hoping in time he would get stronger. I was so very wrong Ignis. Please, Noctis will need you even moreso now. He will need his friends.” Before Ignis could respond, the Doctor signed to the King that he could enter the room.

The King walked in and his knees almost gave out upon laying eyes on his precious son. His lips were slightly purple against his ashen skin, his black hair still wet and stringy from the muddy riverbank. He was attached to tubes from numerous machines; all bringing back terrible memories of all the times Noctis was hospitalized. At age five, after the horrible car accident that almost took his life. After his kidnapping, that almost took his life. After his attempted suicide, that almost took his life. And now! Regis reached under the warm blanket for his son’s hand. Even with the added warmth, his hand was ice cold. Almost lifeless!

“I’m so very sorry my son. I’m sorry that I was too busy being King instead of your father to notice your despair. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.” Tears slowly worked their way down the king’s aging cheek. His heart was overflowing with the love he had for his son. “Please son, hear my words. I love you more than life itself. I need you Noctis. You are my light in this world. I promise that we will change everything when you wake up. Please wake up. Please stay in this world. I refuse to let you go!” The King laid his head gently on his son’s side, as tears trickled down his face. After awhile, he tucked his son’s hand back under the blanket, rose and silently exited the room. Ignis then entered and sat by Noctis’s side. At some point, Gladio and Prompto entered the room. They watched Noctis. They listened to the machines. The machines that kept him alive, again, feeling a terrible sense of déjà vu.


	5. Chapter 5

Twenty-four hours later, Noctis began showing signs of consciousness. He slowly opened his eyes and panicked when he felt surrounded by tubes and machines. He tried to pull them off, but the nurse was quick to calm him down while gently but swiftly removing the breathing tube. Noctis looked around the room in confusion through heavy eyelids. He saw Ignis looking at him with concern. He saw Gladio, worry lines etched on his face. He saw Prompto; his eyes still red and swollen from weeping. He felt an overwhelming amount of comfort and slowly let his eyes close and he fell into a deep exhausted sleep. The doctor was encouraged with this first sign of awareness from the Prince. He told them that the Prince would most likely sleep heavily for a few days. They just needed to wait patiently.

A few days later, a much-improved Noctis was propped up in bed. Ignis sat in a chair by his bed. He had not left Noctis’s side other than to shower and eat. And only when he had King Regis, Gladio or Prompto watching over him. Ignis was there when Noctis next opened his eyes. He became more aware of his surroundings. He saw Ignis with his head in the crook of his arms, resting on Noctis’s bed. Noctis weakly reached a hand to touch Ignis’s hair, awakening him from his light slumber. 

“Noct?” Ignis questioned softly. “How are you feeling?”

“Ig,” Noct barely managed to whisper through a dry throat. “Okay,” he breathed out softly.

Ignis held Noctis’s hand in his own. “Noct, you scared me so much. I. I thought I’d, we’d lost you! 

“Sorry Ig.” Noctis weakly squeezed Ignis’s hand! Ignis squeezed back. “Rest Noctis. Sleep all you want. Just get yourself well.”  
Noctis slowly closed his eyelids and fell back to sleep.

Ignis let the doctor know that Noctis woke up and was quite lucid and communicated with him. He also called King Regis to give him the positive update about his son. News spreads like wildfire througout the Citadel, and a collective sigh of relief was felt throughout the kingdom. Daily, Noctis got better and stronger. He even managed to laugh some during Prompto’s visits as he usually acted pretty silly. Everyone avoided the elephant in the room however. It could wait until Noctis was stronger and ready.

* * * * * * * * 

Dr. Brennan, Noctis’s psychiatrist, came by to see him daily. She made sure that he continued taking his medication and actually made some slight adjustments. She would observe him and only once she was satisfied with his mental health condition, would she allow his release from the hospital. She sat in a chair facing his bed, writing in a folder. She said nothing. Noctis said nothing. It’s all right though, as the time belonged to him. He squirmed uncomfortably in his bed. The doctor looked up from her notes. “Can I get you anything your Highness?” 

********

********

Noct shook his head, “No.” He felt he should say something. He cleared his throat. “I...um…” He sighed heavily and tried again. “I’m not sure what happened,” he began, and then faltered.

“Take your time, your Highness. Breathe. Try not to think too much, just let your words come naturally if you wish,” she said softly.

Tears sprung to his eyes and he swiped at them with the back of his hand almost viciously. “I,” he tried again. “I feel useless. So useless! And I don’t know. All of a sudden, I’m just there. It’s cold. I’m really confused. The water looked really nice though. I remember thinking. That. Then I. I just let go. I don’t know, like. I remember panicking a bit. But then nothing! Until I. Woke up here.” Dr. Brennan stayed silent, only nodding in encouragement. 

“I don’t’ want to be the Prince!” he practically shouted! I don’t want my Dad to die. I’m tired. I’m just so tired of everyone’s disappointment in me.” Once started, it was like opening a floodgate to Noctis’s feelings. He couldn’t stop! He was sharing his deepest thoughts and emotions and hurts and pains. He cried, he rambled. He talked a bit about his kidnapping again. How he was scared and felt alone and abandoned. How he was hurt. So badly. How everyday he tried to be the best, but always knowing that he was a failure. Then he was angry with his father for expecting a perfect son. To take over his duties one day! He was angry with Ignis, for his ability to excel in everything he did. And always having to take over Noctis’s responsibilities as well! He did this so easily. It made Noctis feel worse. He was mad at Gladio, for always pushing him to fight harder, defend better. He pushed and pushed. Noctis was tired! He was angry with his best friend Prompto, who was always cheerful, clueless as to the torture Noctis felt daily. Angry at himself, for feeling angry towards those who tried their best to help and support him. A one-hour session became two, then three.

Something cathartic had happened to Noctis. Thoughts and feelings were jumbled and erratic, but started to make sense in his mind. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. He lay back in his bed. Nothing left to say. Strangely he felt lighter than he had ever felt before. The heaviness he had felt in his heart that had been a constant since his kidnapping was suddenly lifted. A dam broke and had allowed his innermost thoughts and insecurities to be voiced aloud! It was most liberating but draining as well. He needed to sleep. To let these new feelings infiltrate his mind, his heart, and his soul. He closed his eyes. Quietly, the doctor rose from her chair and exited the room. She signalled to Ignis and Prompto, who’d just arrived, that the Prince needed some time alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Three weeks after being admitted to the hospital, Noctis was released. An entourage of friends, glaives and guards arrived to pick him up. Unfortunately the King was unable to attend as he was already in a meeting with important dignitaries of surrounding cities. This saddened Noctis, but he was used to this. He was slightly overwhelmed surrounded by so many people, never having liked to be the center of attention. Ignis tried his best to get him into the car as quickly as possible. Everyone seemed to be treating him with kid gloves and he tried to shrug off the negative feelings he was beginning to feel. 

Ignis had prepared a wonderful welcome home diner. Somehow though, for the first time in a very long while, Noctis actually had an appetite! All eyes were drawn to him as they watched him eat with gusto, which in turn signalled everyone to relax. It became a very enjoyable and companionable atmosphere. Noctis was able to unwind and enjoy himself until the evening came to a close. 

The following week during his visit with Dr. Brennan, Noctis asked to be taken off his meds. Even though he thought he was doing incredibly well and had an amazing breakthrough, she urged him to stay on them for a while longer. His nerves were still fragile and he was still healing emotionally. Without his meds it could cause a major set back. Noctis reluctantly saw the validity of her point. He decided to do something he had never done before. Never even contemplated. He sought out the Doctors advice on it. He wanted to schedule a meeting with his Dad and three best friends. He needed to clear the air. He wanted to apologize. Dr. Brennan thought this was an excellent idea and congratulated him on his newfound strength, another step in healing, but only when he was ready, she insisted. She asked whether he would like the meeting to occur in his own apartment, or here at her office. It was decided that her office was more neutral, and a date was set in a week’s time. She assured Noctis that if the thought of the meeting at anytime became overwhelming, he was to call her and they could either reschedule or cancel altogether.

At home, Noctis tried really hard to be more involved in daily activities. He helped Ignis clean the apartment. He read more files in the political folders that awaited his attention. Ignis noticed and was very impressed and praised Noctis on his accomplishments. He also gently reminded him not to push himself too much! 

The day the meeting arrived, Noctis was extremely nervous. Sweaty palms, elevated heart rate! So many times he almost called Dr. Brennan to cancel. Somehow though, he controlled that urge and found himself sitting in the office on the day in question. His father had cancelled a very important meeting to be there for his son. Noctis felt very blessed and loved. His three friends also found time in their busy schedules to be there for their very best friend and Prince. Dr. Brennan was there for support and to make sure that this very delicate meeting stayed within the bounds of what she knew her patient could handle. 

Once everyone was sitting comfortably in the office, Noctis began:

“So, uh, yeah,” stammered Noctis. “Thanks for coming. Uh. This is really hard,” said Noctis, looking down to the floor.

“Take your time son, we are here for you,” said his father in a strong steady voice.

This seemed to give a boost of courage to Noctis. He took in a deep breath and continued.

“Ok. So. I want to apologize to you all, uh, for the shitty way I’ve been acting.” Prompto started to interrupt, but Noctis quickly held up his hand to silence him. “Please let me say all I need to say while I’ve got the courage. I’ve been weak. I know. I’ve had a terrible time accepting what happened to me. You know. Before. The um, kidnapping. And all the shit that went with it. I know it wasn’t my fault but somehow, since then, I’ve always felt, sorta, inferior. I always felt useless. I just always feel like I’m a failure. Dad, especially cause, you know, I never really make an effort to help you with the heavy load you carry every day. I want to be a better Prince, but, I don’t always know how.” He looked to the floor, searching for his words. 

  
Looking up at Ignis he said “Iggy, I kinda rely on you all the time to do my chores and read the documents and files that I’m supposed to read. To do the stuff I know I’m supposed to do.”  
He paused , and then looked at Gladio. “Gladio, I always feel that I’m not strong enough, fast enough or good enough for your training, and that you are so disappointed in me.”  
And finally, he addressed Prompto. “Prom, gosh, uh, you’re just always so positive and I’m always trying to bring you down! It’s so not fair to you. So. I. Um. Felt that I was underserving of all your support. Even when you guys were trying to help me, I couldn’t see. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t care.”  


That night? I wanted to end it. I don’t remember everything. Some parts are still a little hazy. But I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t want to be the Prince. I didn’t want to have that responsibility. It all just got so overwhelming, and confusing, and out of hand. I didn’t let any of you know. I kept it inside. So, yeah. I wanted to end it. I don’t know how I ended up caught up on those logs. Maybe the Gods figured it wasn’t my time. But when I woke up? In the hospital? And I saw all your faces? All worried and stuff. It made me feel bad that I put you through that. But it also made me realize how much you all really cared for me. And by me doing what I did, well, it was kinda selfish. I was hurting you guys too! “ Noctis took a deep breath, barely holding onto the tears that threatened their way down his cheeks.

“Dad, I love you and I’m real sorry,” his voice broke. At this, the King rose quickly and grabbed his son into a comforting hug. Both father and son’s eyes glistened with tears. Actually there was not a dry eye in the office. Even Dr. Brennan had to blink rapidly.

“ I heard what you said to me,” continued Noctis. “You are there for me Dad. You’ve always been. I just couldn’t see it. Iggy, you do so much for me, I promise to help more and to appreciate all you do. Gladio, sorry for making you feel like I was a brat. I guess I kinda was. You’re a great Shield and I wouldn’t trade you for the world. And Prom, you’re my besty, by buddy, my dude,” this said with a smile. “I want us to be friends forever!”  
At this point, everyone was up and hugging Noctis, murmuring words of support, pride, and pats on the back. When all were seated once again, pride in their eyes over the milestone that Noctis had achieved, Noctis looked at each of them, one at a time, and said, “What can I say. You guys are the best!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are really appreciated.
> 
> I hope you liked my story.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. (Next Work) describes Notis first attemp. It’s about suicide attemp, so please do not read if it might upset you.
> 
> Thank you for reading my work. Comments are read and answered. Kudos are a gift to my inner writer...ergo...my ego.


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